Today's Reading
I was a mom. A master of organization and prioritization. And right now, I needed to focus on canceling my meetings and making it over to the school before my impulsive daughter got kicked out of kindergarten.
I'd just focus on the problem at hand and leave tomorrow's problems—like the judgy gaze of a certain coworker burning into my back—for tomorrow.
CHAPTER TWO
Mondays hadn't held meaning for me in years. When your sole job is to take care of your children, Mondays are no different from any other day of the week. The routine is the same: get them up, get them fed, entertain them, teach them, feed them some more, put them to bed, and pray they stay asleep.
I'd forgotten how quickly the weekend went when you had somewhere to be on Monday. But here I was, bright and early, frantically trying to make breakfast for Clara and Sophie before running to work.
I stood at the stove, pushing the eggs around the pan on autopilot. Standing still for the first time all morning allowed my mind to drift to the life that used to fill this house. Love, laughter, and all the other words on cheesy signs I used to make fun of that seemed much less cheesy now that he wasn't here.
Jason's hands slipped around my waist, pulling me against him as he kissed my neck. I tried to swat his hands away.
"I have to get this done before the girls get up from their naps," I said, and he laughed at my mock sternness.
"I'm not doing anything." His voice was pure innocence. "I'm just saying hi."
"You are a liar and we both know it." I arched into his body as his touch continued down.
"Mommy, breakfast is burning." I jolted out of the daydream to find that the scrambled eggs were almost completely brown.
"I am so sorry, sweetie." Thank god Clara showed up before I burned our house down. "I'll throw some waffles into the toaster instead."
My eyes closed as I walked to the freezer, trying to keep myself together in front of my daughter. I was exhausted—not to mention heartbroken, lonely, and so fucking angry—but breaking down right now wouldn't help any of us. Lord knew I didn't have the time for it.
These all-encompassing fantasies had to stop. I was getting the panic attacks under control, minus my first-day-of-work fiasco, but dreaming about what my life could have been was dangerous. I felt like a disgruntled reader, shaking my fist at the author of my life and aggressively typing out fan fiction of how the story should have gone rather than accepting the ending and moving on to the next book.
The front door closed a few seconds before my mom rounded the corner, her face scrunched. "Oh god, what is that smell?"
I grimaced. "I got a little distracted while making breakfast."
She started to laugh, then spotted the tears I'd been trying so hard to keep at bay. I spun away before her sympathetic gaze pulled them out and down my cheeks.
She walked up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her cheek against my back. "You're doing it. It may not be pretty some days, but you're still doing it. Getting out of bed and making a life for your girls, and I'm so proud of your strength."
I turned to face her, blinking up at the ceiling. She always had a way of pushing me over the edge when I was hurting. What was cathartic most days was a damn inconvenience right now.
"Stop, please," I said with a little laugh. "I don't have time to redo my makeup."
She chuckled, then sent a dubious look at the eggs. "Go ahead to work. Get yourself a cup of coffee and enjoy your five extra minutes. I can get the girls fed and out the door."
A squeal echoed from my younger daughter's room before she yelled down the hall, "Mama! I found my tap shoes. They go perfect with my outfit today!"
"Fu—" I started to swear, but my eldest's far too observant eyes stopped the curse in its tracks. "—udge? I thought I hid Sophie's tap shoes better than that."
My mom had the gall to laugh at the mayhem that was my life. "I can handle Sophie. You get out of here."
My eyes burned as I hugged her. I sent up a prayer of thanks to have parents so close, especially now that I was doing this alone. After Jason's death, my dad pushed off his own retirement so my mom could retire early and help with the girls. It was the only way I could start working again without spending most of my paycheck on childcare.
After one last kiss for each of the girls, I sprinted out of the door.
This excerpt ends on page 13 of the paperback edition.
Monday we begin the book The Duke's Guide to Fake Courtship by Jade Leex.
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